


Hopelessly Devoted Part II: The Beginning of the Rest of Their Lives

by Fujiwara_no_Seimei



Series: Hopelessly Devoted [2]
Category: Ookiku Furikabutte
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-06-20
Updated: 2010-07-18
Packaged: 2017-10-10 05:19:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/96005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fujiwara_no_Seimei/pseuds/Fujiwara_no_Seimei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They're entering their final year of high school, with great challenges ahead of them.  No small challenge among them, it turns out, is coming out to one's parents.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Last Page of a Carefree Life

The phone was ringing again.  
Well, it was more of a tweeting, a particular beep that let Mihashi know he had a new email.  
Mihashi shuffled his weight back and forth between his knees nervously on the bed, afraid to look.  But ignoring it wouldn't make it go away, and Abe would be here any minute, so he had to confront it.  
As he'd feared, the email was from exactly who he thought it would be from.  He quickly silenced the gadget and thrust it down on the bed, jumping down just in time to hear the downstairs door open and his boyfriend announce his presence.

Mihashi scrambled down the stairs, but Abe was intercepted by Mihashi's mother first.  
"Abe-kun, welcome.  Are you staying for dinner?"  
"Your husband is home tonight, right?" he said politely, pulling off his shoes, "I wouldn't want to be a bother."  
"Don't worry about it," she said, turning back to the kitchen, "You'll stay for dinner."  
"Thank you," he called.  
"Thank you, mom!" Mihashi called after her when he reached the landing.  
Suddenly her head appeared back out of the kitchen.  
"Boys?"  
"Yes," they called in sync.  
"You know the rules," she said, dissapearing as quickly as she'd reappeared.  
The two boys blushed.  Not because "the rules" boiled down to keeping the bedroom door open at all times and not having sex in her house, but because the phrase evoked the day those rules were put in place, and getting caught half naked and humping was not the ideal way to come out to one's parents.  
"Yes ma'am," the two eked out, hands clasping just before Mihashi yanked Abe up the stairs to his room greedily.

It really hadn't been all that bad, all things considered and excluding the getting caught part.  Mr. and Mrs. Mihashi were pretty open minded people for a middle class Japanese couple, maybe because they had worked so hard and knew what it was like to be in love.  The subsequent four way "talk" boiled down to Mr. Mihashi asking if (1) Mr. and Mrs. Abe knew, (2) whether they protected themselves, and (3) whether they had any idea what would happen to them if they were caught in the same bed together under their roof again.

(It turns out, the answers were "God, no," "Hell yes," and "Yes, sir," respectively.)

In the end, it was way more awkward for Mihashi's parents than it was for the boys, the former having a couple extra cups of sake that night to shake off the terror of the conversation.

But the minute Mihashi pulled Abe through the threshold into his room, their lips were locked.  The kisses were sweet, and laced with smiles and I-missed-yous.  It had been ten months since they began dating, the spring semester just beginning again, a time of year when all significant beginnings seemed to blossom.  Tomorrow would be the first day of practice, with new freshman, new personalities, new cheerleaders.  The year would be busy, and would hopefully culminate in Koshien, finally.  They were close, in the spring tournament, but just not close enough.

Mihashi was the first to break away, blushing and stammering, fingers teasing the edges of the sleeves of his too-long shirt because he knew that Abe thought it was cute.  
"Do... you have the paperwork?" he asked.  
"Yeah, I got it from Hanai just a little while ago," he said, running a hand through his hair and walking over to the kotatsu.  
"Ah, good," Mihashi replied, following to the other side. "I've got that worksheet from my math teacher, too."  
"That means you haven't started it yet, right?" Abe said, gruffly.  
"N...no," Mihashi replied.  
Abe rolled his eyes and he unzipped his bag. Some things didn't change.  
Very suddenly, a beeping filled the room.  Mihashi tensed up, and fruitlessly pretended not to notice.  
"Ren, your phone."  
Mihashi sat tight, eyes darting around a little. "It's...okay," he said, as the beeping persisted.  
Abe let his paper-filled hands fall onto his thighs and gave Mihashi a hard look.  
"Answer your phone, Ren."  
Mihashi didn't move, and the beeping continued.  
Abe sighed, put the papers down on the table, and got up to grab the phone himself.

That did it.  
Mihashi was up and on top of the phone so fast, all Abe saw was a blur of blonde hair and white shirt, and then the beeping stopped.  
Abe heaved a sigh once again, irritation rising, but he didn't show it. He kneeled in front of Mihashi calmly and looked him in the face.  
"Alright.  What's going on?"  
"It's...I...well..."  
"Ren, please, whatever it is, it's fine."  
Mihashi looked at the face of the phone.  
"I didn't..." he began, looking up at Abe earnestly, "I didn't call him, I promise."  
Abe raised an eyebrow and took the phone, flipping it open.  There were four unopened emails from Kanou Shuugo.  
"I...didn't!" Mihashi yelped.  
"Ren!  Give it a rest, it's okay!"  
Mihashi stopped shaking. "It's..."  
"Ren," he said, standing up and tossing the phone on the bed next to the pitcher. "He's your childhood friend.  You're allowed to talk to him."  
_Talk_ was emphasized, sternly, and they both knew why.

The invocation of Kanou Shuugo brought back hard memories for the two of them.  
-

It happened a little over three weeks after they'd broken down and become a couple, and come out the next day to the entire team without saying a word.  Abe's family was going on a trip for the weekend, but Abe couldn't go on account of a practice game.  It was the perfect opportunity for them to do what any hormonal teenagers wanted to do when their house was vacated- have sex.  It would be their first time going that far.

And it happened quick, Mihashi crucifying himself in that daft, Mihashi-esqe way.  They were prepared, slicked, and ready to go through with it, when Mihashi froze over his prostrate catcher before entering him.  
"What's wrong, Ren?" Abe had said, not thrilled to be drawing out the suspense, and accustomed to Mihashi being unhesitant (rather uncharacteristically) about sexual activity.  
"I...I haven't done this part before...so..." he stammered.  
"_This_ part?" Abe said, a little too sternly. "As in, all the other parts you've done _before_?"

And the moment was effectively ruined, Mihashi limp and crying and begging for forgiveness, Abe confused and still a little sore from the whole part with the fingers.

Abe told him that he wasn't mad, even though he was, because he couldn't get the image of the little bastard sucking his boyfriends dick out of his head, and it had happened only three weeks ago, and Abe was feeling a bit possessive because apparently Mihashi and Kanou had fooled around all throughout their childhood.  He was a little depressed to know that the little Mihoshi dickhead probably knew more about turning Mihashi on than he did.

And because they loved one another, even though Abe _said_ he wasn't angry, Mihashi _knew_ that he was.  Mihashi didn't even try to vindicate himself with the excuse that they weren't technically dating at the time, because really, that would have just been petty.

They spent the weekend effectively not having sex because Abe was _grumpy_ and Mihashi was _terrified_, and they were stupid teenagers.  Then they went about their practice game and daily lives a little dejected but otherwise unaffected, until on day three, Tajima hit them both on the back of the head and told them to make up already, they were depressing the whole God damned team.  
-

But that was nine months ago.  
"Reading his emails isn't something you have feel guilty about," Abe went on.  
"I...know," Mihashi whimpered.  
"If you're afraid you'll be tempted, Ren,-" Abe said, voice rising.  
"No! No! Never!" Mihashi begged. "I wouldn't!  It-" he paused, "it just brings bad memories."  
Abe's expression softened and he sat down next to Mihashi, throwing an arm around his shoulder.  
"Let's read them together," he said.  "Then you have nothing to feel guilty about."  
Mihashi smiled.  His face glowed a bit, and he nodded. He was happy that Abe had matured a lot over the past year.

But as he went to flip the phone back open, it rung suddenly in his hand and he fumbled it onto the floor, loudly.  
"You don't need to be afraid of it," Abe said, exasperated, as he leaned down to pick it up.  His eyebrows raised when he looked at the screen.  He turned it for Mihashi to see.  
"It's from Sakaeguchi?" Mihashi said.  
"Do you want to read that one first?" Abe asked, finger already over the green 'accept' button.  Mihashi nodded.

Sakaeguchi Yuuto/17:25/ Don't worry! I already told Ruri that inviting Kanou was a bad idea.  I didn't say why, though, so you should probably give her a call.

"What?" Abe said aloud. Mihashi shook his head frantically, just as perplexed, and Abe scrolled down to Kanou's first message.

Kanou Shuugo/09:15/ Hey! Ruri wants to go on a double date on Sunday.  You free?  I assume you are if Sakaeguchi is.

Abe and Mihashi looked at each other for a moment.  That explained it, certainly. Abe clicked through to the next message.

Kanou Shuugo/13:01/ Hey!  Don't ignore my message!

...and the next.

Kanou Shuugo/15:05/ Look, if you're afraid I'm going to do something dirty again, I won't.

_That was encouraging._  Abe clicked open the last email.

Kanou Shuugo/17:19/ On the other hand, and I'm just saying, if you wanted me to, I wouldn't be hard to convince. &gt;-_^&lt;

Abe's thumb almost pressed the 'cancel' button straight through the phone.

Mihashi trembled as he watched the color rise in Abe's face.  
"That...cheeky...little...fuck..." he hissed.   
Mihashi gingerly lifted the phone from Abe's hands and tossed it across the room.  
When Abe looked up, Mihashi planted a thick kiss on his lips, and smiled sheepishly.  
"You should be my date, okay?" he said.  
Abe sighed defeatedly, grinned warmly and nodded. After a pause, he added,  
"But you didn't have to throw the phone."

°o°o°o°o°o°

"Oh God, we're playing Tosei today?" Abe said, reviewing the practice game roster pinned to the wall of the dugout on Friday morning.  
"Abe, where has your head been?" Hanai asked.  "We scheduled this weeks ago.  Besides, what does it matter who we're playing?"  
"Aggh," Abe replied, "cause we agreed with Momoe that in the Tosei game, Chibitani could pitch in the first half and then Kumai could catch in the second."  
"Seriously?" Hanai said.  "Are you guys that addicted that you have to mope every time your battery is broken up?"  
"Oh, shut up," Abe said, pinning the roster back up. "Like you don't get-"  
"RIIIIIOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUU!" Tajima suddenly erupted, running and tackling the enemy catcher as he and his team came through the gate.  
"Get what?" Hanai droned, staring exasperatedly at the melee.  
"Fuck it.  You're all gay, every one of you, so you can all go to hell," Abe replied with a dismissive wave as he walked away.

"Ah! Abe-kun!" Sakaeguchi shouted from a few meters away, where he was stretching his legs with Mihashi.  
"Sakaeguchi-kun.  Hey," he said as he put his hand on Mihashi's neck, massaging it a little.  
"Mmm," Mihashi purred happily.  
"I'm excited about this weekend," Sakaeguchi said.  
"Oh? Yeah, I guess you would be, huh? You don't get to see Mihashi-chan very much."  
"Ah ha ha...no..." he said a little wistfully. "I'm sorry that Kanou-kun got involved..."  
"You had nothing to do with it," Abe said, massaging Mihashi's shoulders with little digs above the blades, "besides, he never really did get as far as 'involved,' so..."  
Mihashi was mumbling little happy noises and had seemed to have melted into a happy, mushy pile of pitcher, so Abe slapped him hard in the center of the back.  
"Eep!" he shouted, reforming instantly.  
"You don't pitch until the 4th inning, so be sure to coach the freshman on the pitch selection until we switch out, okay?"  
"Y...yeah!" Mihashi said.  He was happy to have grown to be a part of the team that could do more than pitch, and to have other responsibilities.

On the other hand, there were eight new freshmen. Each one a little more unruly than the last.

"Tajima, you'll be-" Hanai started, "TAJIMA GET OFF OF THE CATCHER WE'RE HAVING A BRIEF HERE."  
The cleanup rocketed back to the dugout, only a little apologetic.  
Hanai exhaled hard. "I was saying, Tajima, you're sitting out the first half so that Murakami can get some practice, and then Suyama, you'll switch with Sato in the second half, okay?  Pay attention so we don't have to remind you when it comes time to switch out, guys!"  
The team agreed in a unified shout.  
"Chibitani is pitching in the first half.  Support him so that we can get some outs, and Chibitani, pull your arms in when you bat."   
Said pitcher nodded.  
"Kumai will catch in the second half, take this opportunity to develop your own pitch selection with Mihashi, okay?  Don't worry about your batting, it's good, and besides, Tajima will be back in."  
"Yes!" Kumai confirmed.  
"Alright, any questions about the roster?" Hanai asked.  
No one on the team spoke up, and Hanai clapped. "LETS GO! FIGHT!"  
"FIGHT!"

°o°o°o°o°o°

The next day, practice seemed to go on for an eternity.  When it was over, Mihashi and Abe waved to Sakaeguchi, and reminded him that they'd meet at 10:30 at the station.

"Do you need to call your mom?" Mihashi asked as they rode.  
"No, I told them this morning that I would be staying over and going to Shibuya with some friends tomorrow."  
"Ah, great!" Mihashi said, giving that beaming smile that was a rare treat for Abe to behold.  His heart skipped a beat every time he saw it.

When they pulled up to Mihashi's house, the pitcher slowed to a stop awkwardly and stood for a minute, staring at the house.  
"Ren," Abe said as he pulled up next to him, "what's wrong?"  
"There's...a car..."  
"A car?" Abe said, pulling forward. "AH!" he shouted, startling Mihashi.  He hastily threw his bike against the fence and headed for the door.  
"Takaya!"  
"It's my dad's car!" he said, reaching for the door.  
"Wait for me!" Mihashi said, attempting to compose himself enough to make the bike stand up next to Abe's so that he could follow.

"We're home!" Mihashi called cautiously as he opened the door, shoving off his shoes as quickly as possible.  The two stumbled out of the foyer to find both of Abe's parents sitting across from Mihashi's in the living room.  
"Abe's...parents?" Mihashi said out loud.  
"Is something wrong?" Abe asked, his first thought being that someone might have passed away or that someone was sick.  
"Ren, come sit with us, okay?" Mihashi's mother said.  
"Abe, everything is fine," Abe's father answered.  "We need to have a talk, okay?  Come on over here."  
The two boys looked at one another, terrified, and then proceeded on to sit on two pre-placed chairs in between the parents.

"What...what's going on?" Abe asked.  
"Takaya, I over heard your brother on the phone today," Mr. Abe began.    
Abe had already decided that he was going to kill Shun.  He didn't care what he had said, really, but he knew he was going to be dead.  
"...and don't get upset with him, Takaya.  He didn't know I was there.  He said to a friend that his brother was going on a date tomorrow."  
Abe held his breath.  
"Takaya, we called Mrs. Mihashi to ask who you would be going out with tomorrow.  She said that you'd be going with Mihashi, that first baseman, Sakaeguchi, and Mihashi's cousin."  
Mihashi hiccuped, trying to keep from crying.  
Abe figured he knew where this was going anyway, so he gave in, and took Mihashi's hand, setting it on his leg with a squeeze.  Mihashi looked up at him and blinked, surprised.  
"That's right," Abe confessed.  "It is a double date.  Mihashi is my date."  
Abe's parents only inhaled slowly, carefully, obviously already privy to that fact.  
"I'm...sorry I didn't tell you, but...it's not...the kind of thing..." he said, tensing up.  
"It's okay, Takaya.  It's alright," his mother said gently. "We understand.  It's not something you can just tell us, right?"  
Abe nodded.  
"How long have you been seeing one another, son?" she asked.  
Abe gritted his teeth, but managed to eke out, "T...ten months."  
Without warning, Abe's father stood up. "I'm going to wait outside," he said, proceeding to the door.  
The room was silent until the door clicked behind him.  
"Ren, honey," his mother said, "you understand it wouldn't be right for us to lie when we were asked, right?"  
Mihashi nodded, his hand tight in Abe's.  
"Why did...dad...leave?" Abe asked.  
"Come here, sweetie, sit next to me?" his mother replied.  Abe looked at Mihashi and let go of his hand, reluctantly, to take his place next to her.  
She patted a hand on his knee, putting on her best forced smile.  "Your father doesn't really understand what's going on," she said, in the most oblique way possible.  
Abe put his face in his hands.  
"Honey, he'll just need some time, okay? Just give him some time."  
"I'm sorry, mother," Abe said, shaking a little.  
Mihashi felt far away from Abe, the four feet separating them feeling more like a mile as he watched his lover shiver in grief.  
"Don't be sorry," she said, hugging him. "Just be happy, okay?  We will be fine as long as you're happy."  
Abe nodded through his hands.  
Mihashi finally gave in to tears, and he sat next to his own mother so he too could be consoled. She rubbed his back gently.  
"Everything is going to be okay, honey," Abe's mother went on. "Your father still loves you, you know that, right?"  
"Yes, mother," Abe said, completely truthful. "I know."  
"I love you too, Takaya."  
"I guess I should come home with you, then?" Abe asked, raising his head.  
Mrs.Abe paused for a moment.  
"No, I think maybe you should go on with your plans.  I understand that Mr. and Mrs. Mihashi have been watching over you two, so it would probably be best if you stayed here tonight.  I'm going to talk to your father, okay?  I'll make sure the house is a comfortable place for you to return to on Sunday night, alright?"  
Abe's eyes began tearing up too. "Mother..." he said, leaning into her as she caught him in a hug. "Mother, I'm sorry..."  
She shook her head as she consoled him.  As a mother, she knew that this meant 'thank you.'  
Mrs. Mihashi stood up to get some water for the boys.  
-

When the door clicked closed behind Mrs.Abe, the weight of their situation finally came down on them.

Neither had necessarily considered themselves "gay," rather that they had become attracted to someone who ended up being of the same sex.  They had skirted around it as a social issue until now, because the team seemed to understand this, and Mihashi's parents had treated their relationship no different then they would if it were a heterosexual one.

Abe's father was by no means anti-gay, and not necessarily unhappy with his son.  But he was an older man, expectant of a wedding, and grandchildren, and wary of how his son's sexual preference would affect his future career.  He had to readjust his worldview to fit a gay son into it.

And that's what they were, in the end.  Gay sons. At this point, they could think that they were straight boys sleeping with another boy all they wanted, but they had a relationship, and technically, for all intensive and social purposes, they were gay.  
"Come have something to eat," Mrs.Mihashi called after a few minutes, the boys hugging quietly in the foyer after Mrs.Abe had departed. "You'll need to eat," she added.

They ate in silence for a short while, and Mihashi was in deep thought about the difference between their families.  Mihashi's father was young and small, never placing too much importance on the idea of being masculine, which may have come from being a relatively small guy.  His mother was a working woman, and on top of that, they had eloped.  They were a modern couple, and they weren't very traditional, explaining a lot of why the two boys had been comfortable there.  But Abe's father was a tough fellow.  Bigger, louder, and with a distinct idea about what it meant to be male.  He had seen the two get into shouting matches- though they were never necessarily hateful- but shouting was something that never happened in Mihashi's house. Abe argued with his brother, was scolded by his mother for mistreating him.  They all loved one another too, but they had a different dynamic.

A dynamic that Mihashi couldn't imagine having to return to.

"Thank you...for taking care of us," Abe said suddenly, looking down at his curry.  
Mr and Mrs. Mihashi locked fingers under the table. "Don't mention it, Takaya-kun," Mr.Mihashi said.  
The rest of the meal was spent in silence.  
-

When everyone was tucked into bed, and Mihashi heard the last light flick off downstairs, he sat up and looked down at his boyfriend.  To hell with the rules, he crept down quietly and snuggled in next to Abe, pulling him into his chest tightly.  
"I love you, Takaya," Mihashi said, gently.  
Abe sniffed quiety, shaking his head in quiet anguish.  
"I love you and I'll take care of you."  
Mihashi held his lover tight until he fell still and silent, about an hour later.  Only then, did Mihashi get up and tiptoe over to the window.

He looked out at the high moon, at the few sparkling stars that breached the glow of the distant metropolitan lights.  He felt warm and whole, even as silent tears continued to roll down his own cheeks.  He felt like part of the world, vast and scary and beautiful.

He felt like no matter what happened from then on, what he was feeling now was enough to make his life complete.

For Mihashi, this moment was the end of one chapter, one where he and his lover were carefree high school students for all of eternity, protected by caring parents and doting teammates.  
Only he had the privilege of relishing this moment between the volumes of their lives, Abe still a chapter or two behind as the next one started.  

They would have to face many new challenges over the next coming months, challenges that would test their relationship, their dreams, and their visions of the future.

But for now, Mihashi turned to his soundly sleeping partner and smiled, knowing, rightly, that from here on, they could handle any challenge, as long as they were together.

He didn't know that the most difficult obstacle of all would be finding a way to stay together.


	2. Like Hope, Fear Creeps In Quietly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Abe tries to keep it together, and Ruri and Sakaeguchi finally have a moment.

A nightmare stirred Abe into waking in the early hours of the morning.

The fear was impacted further when he opened his eyes, panting, and didn't recognize the ceiling above him- or at least, didn't expect it. He ran a cold, clammy hand over his face. He was in Mihashi's room. That was Mihashi's ceiling. Everything was okay.

He sat up, fully awake now, and glanced over at his boyfriend. Mihashi was curled up with his mouth wide open and arms hugging his pillow, the blankets fullfilling none of their intended purpose bunched up at the foot of the bed. The sight was calming for Abe. He leaned in to look at the clock sitting on the bed. It was almost two in the morning.

There was something going on inside of him, something more of an itch than a worry, so he hadn't mentioned it to Mihashi. He couldn't have, anyway, because it was abstract, and even he didn't have a handle on what it was until now. It was the feeling of impending change. Things were going to start moving without him if he didn't pick up the pace. If he didn't pick up the pace, he would fall behind, no, be left behind by the others not willing to slow down. His dream made that even clearer.

Abe got up and tiptoed down the stairs to the bathroom- a route he was all too familar with taking in the middle of the night from back before they got caught fooling around. He washed his hands and face with cold water out of habit, even though he didn't really need cooling down. His mind was on his father. How he'd walked out of the room. The look on his face when he was informed that his son had been dating another boy for ten months. Ten months? Yes, if it was that long, it was probably not a phase. That's probably what his father thought, Abe considered, nodding. He pulled the blue towel off of the shelf- this was essentially his towel, now, and patted his face dry.

"Is everything okay?" came a quiet, clear voice from the doorway.

Mrs. Mihashi was standing there, in her podwer-blue bathrobe, with a worried look on her face. Abe wasn't privy to the fact that the worry came from her sudden fear that she would catch him cleaning himself up after doing something dirty with her son, but her instincts had told her that someone was in need of a mother when she heard the footsteps come down the stairs.

"You left the door open, Takaya-kun. Is something wrong?"

Abe wasn't sure what made him want to tell her. There was something about this house that made him feel safe, and it was a sentiment made all the more powerful by how fearful he was of returning to his own home. He didn't say anything right away. He looked down at the towel, the towel that had been assigned to him without even asking for it. He didn't know that his eyes were welling up until he saw a couple of tears land on it.

"Oh, dear, Takaya-kun," she said sadly, walking over to him and putting her hands on his shoulders. She patted him gently, and he wondered what it would feel like if it was his father comforting him that way.

"Do you want to...tell me about it?" she asked. He didn't reply, only rubbed his arm against his wet eyes.

"Why don't you come in the kitchen," she said. "We can make some tea, okay? You can tell me all about it."

Why, he wondered, following her, was he always crying? He was never the type to cry before he met Mihashi, save the one time when he assaulted Haruna in the bathroom. He was seventeen years old now, shouldn't he be crying _less?_

•

It was strange, being mothered by another mother, he thought, fingering the edge of the teacup absently. This kitchen was as much a part of his life as his home kitchen, but he had never talked over tea at 2 AM with his own mother. A clock ticked loudly enough in the next room to be heard from where he sat. All else was quiet save for Mihashi-san's shuffling. There was something electric about this hour of the morning- something nervous, aching to become day.

"What's gotten you upset at this hour?" She asked finally, sitting across from him.

"I had a nightmare," he said quietly. It felt odd for him to say, not because he felt uncomfortable, but because he felt quite the opposite.

"Do you want to talk about it, Takaya-kun?"

Abe blinked. When had she started using his first name? Four...no...five weeks ago?

"I dreamt that I couldn't find anyone. My parents weren't home, and I couldn't find Ren, or Shun, or the coach, or anyone..." he took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of the tea. "I just kept looking and running around from place to place."

"That's pretty scary," she said, sipping her tea. After a beat, she asked, "Are you worried about your father, Takaya-kun?"

Abe leaned back in his chair, looking far into the next room where moonlight was painting abstract blue shapes on the wall.

"I'm afraid," he said, finally.

"What of?" she pressed.

"Home won't be the same," he said, voice cracking a little.

"Of course it will, Takaya-kun. Everyone will still be there and everyone still loves you. Even your father." She paused, then added, "_Especially_ your father."

Abe looked up at her. "He doesn't approve," he said, sorrowfully. "He couldn't..."

"Takaya," she said, leaning in, "I don't think he's upset about the same thing you think he's upset about."

He only stared.

"Your father is not the type to disown a deviant son, I assure you. I'm surprised, though, that you don't know _that_ much about him yourself."

Abe shook his head.

"You should finish your tea and get some sleep. You and Ren are going to have a good time tomorrow. Don't worry about home while you're out having fun, okay?"

Abe nodded.

"Goodnight, little one," she said. He felt little, too, but not in the degraded sense. He wondered if Ren saw him like that. He was not as tough as he used to be. Dating Mihashi had made him soft.

He picked up his teacup and walked into the living room after went back to bed. He never understood how the moon could cast such a bright light just by reflecting a star's rays. Bright enough to cast its own shadows on the earth. Trees rustled in a gentle breeze, causing the light to shift and flutter around him.

He wondered, suddenly, which shirt he would wear tomorrow.

•

He found Mihashi right where he had left him.

Yes, he thought, chuckling a little at the stupid face his pitcher made as he slept, snoring open-mouthed. All I have to worry about right now is having a good time with my boyfriend tomorrow.

The sentiment of concerning oneself with short-term joys was one that would become scarcer and scarcer as he grew older, though he didn't know it yet.

°o°o°o°o°o°

Sakaeguchi arrived at the station just a little too early. This gave him time to wonder if he was appropriately dressed for a group date, or whether putting on cologne as a stupid idea. He sat on a bench and flipped his phone open, doing the only thing he knew how to do when he had time to kill, which was reread Ruri's emails.

**Mihashi Ruri/09:30 Mon 5 May/** Sakaeguchi-kun! I'm going to stay at Ren's place this weekend! Do you think we could hang out again, like at Tanabata last year? I don't want to get ahead of myself, but maybe invite Mihashi and Kanou again? Let me know if you're free! And if you want to!

**Mihashi Ruri/12:02 Tues 6 May/** Not Kanou? Okay, because of Ren's boyfriend right? I should have thought of that. Then he should come instead. I feel awful that I already emailed Kanou! I'll deal with him, tell Ren he doesn't have to email him back. So everything else is okay?

**Mihashi Ruri/09:12 Tues 6 May/** Of course I know. Mihashi's mom is my mom's sister-in-law. They talk a lot, so she definitely mentioned that. They're big gossips! They can be really embarrassing sometimes. Is your mom super talkative, too?

He paused for a moment, reliving how he felt when he read it the first time. And how he took almost 24 hours to decide how to write the reply.

**Mihashi Ruri/10:10 Wed 7 May/** I'm really, really sorry, Sakaeguchi-kun. I'm so sorry. I hop

**Mihashi Ruri/10:11 Wed 7 May/** e you'll forgive me.

Sakaeguchi swallowed hard. He'd felt so bad about making her sad.

**Mihashi Ruri/09:16 Thurs 8 May/** Ah, so that was a while ago, huh? Well, I think you turned out to be a good person, even without your mom. I bet she's proud of you, the way you hit! Um, just tell me if I'm still being insensitive...

**Mihashi Ruri/09:50 Thurs 8 May/** Oh! It's good that you have siblings and that they're nice to you. This whole time you never mentioned them, you know! Um, I hope I'm not sending too many emails.

**Mihashi Ruri/12:22 Thurs 8 May/** It makes me happy that you say that, Sakaeguchi-kun.

Sakaeguchi caught his breath. He went through them all just to get to this one. The point where he had boldly replied, "You don't send too many emails. Hearing from you is the best part of my day."

And saying that had made her happy.

"Hey, what are you blushing about, Sakaeguchi-kun?" Abe said, leaning over his shoulder.

Sakaeguchi jumped and fumbled the phone a bit before regaining his composure.

"Tsk," Abe said, "Don't worry, I know you're not the type to have dirty pictures on your phone."

"N...nice to see you guys too..." he murmured half-heartedly.

Mihashi sniffed the air. "You...smell...nice, Sakaeguchi-kun..." he said, awkwardly.

Sakaeguchi's eyes widened, and then he slapped his hands over his neck and buried his head between his knees.

"I wore too much! I knew it!" he moaned.

•

They were to meet in Shibuya, even though It meant a painfully long ride for Ruri, because honestly there were not a whole lot of fun things to do in Saitama, much less in Gunma, aside from hot springs that would separate the group or hiking up Haruna mountain just to piss Abe off. Which even Mihashi had admitted, in a traitorous way, would be entertaining in its own right.

It was already noon when they met up with her. She turned pink as they approached her at the entrance of the record store.

"You're all...so...cute..." she murmured, admiring them. Even Mihashi's hair was a little more brushed than usual.

"Ruri-chan, you... know Abe-kun, right?"

She snapped out of her trance. "Ah, yes, Abe-kun, nice to see you again."

"You too," Abe said, politely.

"M...Mihashi...chan," Sakaeguchi said, clenching his fingers behind his back.

She looked up at him with renewed observation- he was dressed casually but cleanly, with an open button up shirt over a blue one that had some kind of circular logo on it. He looked older, manlier than she had remembered.

"Sakaeguchi...kun..."

"Its nice to see you...again..." he said.

Though they had emailed one another constantly since the first date, and even met up a few times when she came to Nishiura games, they had naturally spent most of their time pining over one another long-distance. Ruri was more beautiful than he'd remembered, growing a tiny bit taller and fuller but still retaining that spritely air from when he'd first met her. Notably, her hair was down, which was something he'd never seen before, even in pictures.

"Y..you too!" she said, a little too loud.

"Is there something you want...here...Ruri?" Mihashi asked, eyeing up the store and providing his friend with the opportunity to breathe.

"Ah, yes! If it's okay, there's a CD I want!"

Stepping inside, Sakaeguchi asked what she was buying.

"Kishidan!" she said, determined, immediately scanning shelves.

Sakaeguchi and Abe froze.

"K...kishidan?" Sakaeguchi said.

"Like...the men dressed up in long gakuran...who dance...?" Abe elaborated.

"With...the _hair_...?" Sakaeguchi went on.

"She really likes DJ-OZMA," Mihashi said, unaffected, clearly familiar enough with Ruri's tastes to know the name of the lead singer of the group.

"S...she does?" Sakaeguchi burst. "What's...is that her type?" He asked, desperate for hints at her tastes. If she liked strange guys with big hair and motorcycles, he was screwed.

"She likes music that's fun," Mihashi said as they found her.

"Got it!" she beamed, holding out the CD. "I'll be just a second, okay?" And she scurried off to the counter to pay.

Goods in hand, they headed off to find something to eat.

•

They sat down at the counter of a kaiten-zushi, taking prelimiary stock of the offerings as they spun by on the conveyor.

"Ah! The octopus! I missed it!" Ruri yelped. Abe reached over and picked it up for her, being farther down the line. As he went to reach for some tuna, he noticed Mihashi counting on his fingers and mumbling.

"Ren!" he said, shocking the other boy out of his mathematical trance. "Get whatever you want, I'll pay."

Mihashi blinked. "R...really?"

"Yeah," Abe replied with a mumble, picking off two sweet egg nigiri for him. "You should eat as much as you want so you don't lose more weight."

Mihashi was too busy being happy that Abe remembered how much he liked egg sushi to take stock of the warning.  
He was also unaware that Abe had latched on to his fishless preferences to avoid the potential for food poisoning.

Sakaeguchi raised an eyebrow when he saw Abe pull a cucumber maki down for his pitcher next, recalling Abe's frequent warnings to Mihashi that he not get sick from raw fish. He squinted at Abe, as if to ask with his eyes if he was _seriously_ doing that.

Some habits died hard, but not at all if no one was correcting them. Abe raised his eyebrows as if to reply 'Why yes, I am. What exactly do you think you're going to do about it?'

And Sakaeguchi knew better than to start a fight with Abe, nor did he have any interest in doing so, and backed down.

"What kind of music do you like, Sakaeguchi-san?" Ruri asked.

Sakaeguchi stiffened immediately, sensing that the formation of the question meant that "I don't listen to a lot of music" was probably the wrong answer.

"Ah, well," he said, pulling down a plate of what was probably totally fake tuna. "Just...a little of what's popular, I guess..."

But Ruri was not as dense as her cousin, and immediately saw through the attempt to seem musically aware. Abe and Mihashi stopped eating to watch the spectacle.

"So you don't listen to a lot of music," she said, as disapprovingly as possible.

He blinked. "I...I read a lot," he stammered, in his defense. "I've never really payed attention to music."  
There was a pause before he added, "...sorry."

She jumped a little at his resignation, and corrected herself, "Ah...I didn't mean to...I mean..."

Abe and Mihashi were holding their breath.

"I... like you even if you don't...like music..." she said, scarlet faced.

Sakaeguchi lit up, looking up at her, slowly. "You..." but he trailed off, now as pink-cheeked as she was.  
The battery exhaled loudly, blasting the other two out of their awkward little universe, and they went back to nervously eating their sushi.

She went on to ask about books he liked, and eventually turned to discussing what their favorite things to do in each season were.

"I love the beach too!" Ruri said, when they got to summer. "I wish I could go swimming all the time."

"I like playing volleyball," Sakaeguchi said, "and getting tired and then jumping in the water to cool off. It's the best feeling."

Ruri nodded enthusiastically, "Yeah! And then laying in the sun and taking a long nap!"

"...and you don't care what time it is or how long you're sleeping, you just lay there as long as you want..." he continued.

"Until some kid chasing a ball kicks sand in your face," she said, suddenly bitter.

He stared at her for a second, processing the specificity of the derailment, and then began to laugh. When she joined in, after a beat, Abe and Mihashi glanced at one another knowingly.

"I wish they'd just make out and get it over with," Abe mumbled to his partner.

"Abe!" Mihashi replied scoldingly.

•

"I love kaiten-zushi," Abe said as he got the plates tallied by the attendant.

It was no surprise to anyone that Abe was stingy. But not too stingy.

"Are you really going to pay for me too?" Mihashi asked, starry eyed.

"Mihashi, really," he said flatly, handing his money to the cashier. Mihashi's super-happy face was still a little weird, he wondered if he'd never quite get used to seeing it.

Sakaeguchi shuffled his feet, waiting his turn.

When Mihashi and Abe had gotten out of the way, he turned to Ruri.

"Y...your bill, Ruri?"

She jumped. "AH! You'll...you're going to...?" she stammered, holding it forward.

He nodded, taking the bill from her hands and turning to the cashier, "I...hope I didn't get the wrong idea about what you said before," he said, boldly.  
The cashier just raised an eyebrow as Ruri flew into a blushing, stammering fit behind him.

From around the corner, Abe and Mihashi hummed in unison, "Coooooooool..."

Inside, Sakaeguchi felt far from cool, more like a messy bundle of nerves. He couldn't read at all how this date was going, and it was killing him.

•

They wandered around the arcade for a while after that, waiting for something to catch their interest. After a few minutes, Ruri sidled up to her cousin, whispering.

"Ren, let's split up."

"W...why?"

"I need to talk to Sakaeguchi alone, okay?"

"Ah..." he said, blushing when he definitely should not have been the one blushing.

"Don't be stupid, Ren. We're not going to do anything like that."

He nodded, and called to Abe.

"T...Takaya, let's...go...over here..." he said, pointing to a floor of crane machines, suddenly leaving Ruri and Sakaeguchi abandoned in the current of the arcade crowd.

He stared after them, alarmed.

"Can we take...a picture?" Ruri asked, pointing to the purikura machines directly opposite.

"S...sure," Sakaeguchi said.

They stepped into the least offensive looking booth (which was still pretty obnoxious), and as they began selecting options, Ruri spoke up.

"I'm really sorry about asking about your mom the other day," she said.

He looked over at her from the monitor. "Y...you don't have to be, really. It's okay."

"Are you sure?" she said. It had been killing her all week.

"Yeah," he replied, smiling earnestly. "Do we want this circle border or the one broken up into two parts like this?"

"Oh, that one," she said, touching the screen where the circle was.

"Okay, get ready," he said. They oriented themselves in front of the camera.

Ruri leaned in to the frame, and Sakaeguchi bent down a little to fit in with her.

"Oh!" She said, "You smell really nice!"

He turned a special shade of pink as the camera snapped. The flash had barely died down before he found her turned into his neck, without touching, and inhaling in a poilte way.

The camera snapped again.

"Mi...hashi...chan..." he said. She looked up, suddenly as surprised by her own actions as he was. Even more surprised were they when they realized that their faces were centimeters apart.

Sakaeguchi's heart beat hard and high in his chest, and Ruri's breaths suddenly became jagged and self-conscious. Before he could react, her hand crept up to lay on his chest.

The camera snapped a fourth time as he grabbed her arms, purely out of impulse, as if it would keep her from pulling away. Which it turned out she had no intention of doing, because before he could blink again their lips met, and the kiss was as sweet and perfect as anything they had ever imagined.

He immediately decided that putting on cologne was the best idea he'd ever had.

•

"We...can't use these pictures at all..." Ruri said, calmly mortified, combing her hair into a more respectable nest as they surveyed this snapshots on the monitor.

"I...a...agree..." he concurred. He felt even weirder being prompted to decorate the awkward shots of them staring longingly and kissing frantically.

"The first one is okay," she said, only barely believable.

"I'm blinking," Sakaeguchi replied.

"Hmm," she said.

"You want to ditch them?" he asked.

"Oh, definitely," she replied.

•

After promptly printing and destroying the evidence of their private moment, they exited to find Mihashi and Abe coming their way. Abe was carrying a large stuffed...was that a chicken? Mihashi was carrying a small keychain with a baseball on it, and Ruri and Sakaeguchi carried the unshakable feeling that everyone knew they had just made out in a photo booth just by looking at them.

"Mihashi, what's that?" she asked, pointing to the plush Abe was carrying.

"Ah, I won that...for Takaya..." he said, blushing a little.

Sakaeguchi blinked, wondering if Abe had wanted it because it kind of looked like Mihashi. A glare from the catcher made him give up on the train of thought quickly. He switched gears.

"Oh, Mihashi! Your birthday is next week, right?" he said.

"It...is," he said, displaying his typical bashfulness at the mention of his special day.

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm taking him out," Abe answered before Mihashi could reply. Mihashi blinked up at his boyfriend, wide eyed and mouth flapping, signifying to all parties that this was a suprise to him as well.

"So don't plan anything."

Mihashi wore his contented, goofy grin for the rest of the date, which, when paired with Ruri and Sakaeguchi's red-faced, hungry stares at one another, made Abe feel awfully out of place in the weird face making department.

The chicken didn't help.

°o°o°o°o°o°

"Will you be...alright?" Mihashi had asked at the door when Sakaeguchi and Abe parted ways with Ruri and himself.

"I'll be okay," Abe said, smiling only a half-convinced smile. Mihashi gave Abe's hand a squeeze, and Abe nodded at him.

But even with such encouragement, Abe stood at his own door a little while later, unable to enter for at least ten minutes.

Mrs. Mihashi's voice, of all voices, rang in his head, assuring him that it would be okay.

His father would not only be there, but he would welcome him.  
This was his home. He was his father.  
It would be okay.

Shun jumped when he heard the door open.

No one in the room said anything as Abe made his way inside, putting his bag down next to the door very quietly without taking his eyes of the back of his father's head.

There was a sudden shuffling in the next room.  
"Shun, can you come into the kitchen for a moment?" Abe's mother called gently, with a tinge of urgency.  
"Y...yes!" he cried, scrambling to join her. He hadn't even slept out of fear of what his brother was going to do to him, so the excuse to escape was highly appreciated.

After the kitchen door creaked to a close with a sound click at the end, Abe stood staring at his father for what seemed like minutes.

"Come and sit," his father said quietly. He said it more gently than Abe had heard him speak before. He obeyed, walking, with no hidden nervousness, around the couch and sat across from him.

"Takaya," he began. Abe couldn't look at him, instead keeping his eyes cast on his own neatly clenched fists in his lap. "I'm sorry."

Abe looked up, surprised. "You're..." a look of perplexity crept over Abe's face. "Why...?"

"I didn't even know, Takaya. And for ten months? Did we drift apart that much?"

What was he talking about?

"I'm sorry, too, that I won't be able to help you...with the things that fathers usually help with...at this part of your life..."

Abe just shook his head. "Father, I...don't think I understand..."

Abe's father looked up, realizing he had become wrapped up in his own apology.

"Ah. Takaya. See, even now... I don't know when it was that I stopped knowing what was going on in your life. And I'm sorry."

He paused, forming his words carefully.  
"You had ten months... you were probably going through a lot of things... but... I couldn't help you."

"D- Dad!" Abe said, "Don't be sorry! I'm the one who kept-"

But his father shook his head, putting a hand on one of Abe's now relaxed fists.  
"I'll pay more attention from now on, Takaya," he said. "So don't hesitate to talk to me when you need something."

Abe nodded. So that was it? His father was more upset that they'd drifted apart than that he was dating another boy?

"There are some things... I don't really understand yet. But I'll... do my best to accept them," he went on, addressing what Abe thought was the original problem.

"And there are things you can't ask me..." his father suddenly added, twisting his brows uncomfortably. "Some things I'd rather not be asked about..."

Abe's cheeks got red, understanding the implication. "O...of course not! I'd never-"

"But everything else, okay? I'll do my best. As your father."

Abe smiled and nodded, a little chuckle escaping him as the tension that was wrapped around his body for 24 hours finally released its hold on him.

"Thanks, dad. Really."

Abe stood up, and as he stepped away, his father continued to speak.

"So, did you have...fun?"

Abe turned.  
"Yeah. It was nice. Sakaeguchi and Mihashi-chan finally decided to stop beating around the bush and start dating."

"Oh? Why don't you come back and tell me about them when you're done with your bath."

"I'll do that," Abe replied with a smile. He almost turned away again, but turned back suddenly.  
"Dad?"

"Yes, Takaya?"

"I do have one thing... that I could use your help with."

"What's that, son?"

"Its a future planning worksheet, for school. It's...pretty important...so I thought..."

Abe's father smiled big. "Of course, Takaya! I'd love to. Bring it in after dinner and we will work on it together."  
And with that, it seemed like at least one relationship had been set back on its proper course.

•

Shun, on the other hand, seemed to be in hiding all night. When the two brothers arrived at the kitchen door at the same time for dinner, though, Shun recoiled, desperate to stammer an apology that couldn't find its way out of his lungs.

Abe cocked his head for a moment, smiled, reached out and tussled his little brothers hair, and proceeded into the kitchen.

And then that was taken care of too.

°o°o°o°o°o°

After he was fed, cleaned, and finished with his worksheet, Abe lay down in bed with a sense of hesitant satisfaction. He felt immersed in a warm feeling he had not submitted himself to in a long, long time.

It was the feeling of being surrounded by love. His mother, his father, and his brother loved him. Even Mihashi's parents cared for him. And above all, he noted sweetly when he looked at the stupid stuffed chick above his bed, Mihashi loved him. He felt safe.

He pulled the plush down from the shelf and sat it next to his head on the bed, facing him.  
"I made the right decision, right?" he asked it.  
The chicken did not respond.  
"It's okay if I make decisions about my future like that. It's okay. I wasn't wrong to write that..." he went on, as if he had needed convincing.

Which he did.

He pat the chicken on the head, a bit of lonliness creeping over him. It was only ten o clock, so he opened his phone and wrote an email to Mihashi.

"What are you doing?" he typed.  
Mihashi's response came only a minute later.

"I'm...thinking of Takaya...and-" The message ended abruptly.

"And what?" he wrote back, perplexed.

"Well...because Abe looked so good today...and it's been so long since we...well, since-" and the message cut off again. Color rose in Abe's face as realization washed over him. Another feeling washed over him too, as he began visualizing what his lover was probably doing. He thought about what to do next for a minute, before settling on what he figured was likely the wrong option entirely, but he couldn't help himself. He bit his lip and ran his finger along his mild erection as the phone rang on the other end.

"Ah...T...Taka...ya..." he heard Mihashi whisper, breathily.  
That alone was enough to make his member come to full attention.

"Ren...I'm sorry to call you...so late..." he said, as quietly as possible, pushing his boxers down with one hand.

"No," Mihashi said, still breathing hard, "you should call... any time...but I..." he paused, a louder sigh escaping his lips, "...I don't know if you...understood..."

"I did...Ren..." Abe said, wrapping his hand around himself. "I wanted to...hear."

Only silence answered him on the other end, and he wasn't surprised. After a beat, Mihashi spoke again.

"Takaya...it's..."  
Abe squeezed the base of his length, eliciting a hitched breath.  
"...it's dirty..." Mihashi squeaked.

"I can hang up if you don't-" he hissed for a second- "if you don't want me to listen, but I'm...I'm already..." he gasped.

"Takaya is...too?" Mihashi said.

"Mmm," he grunted.

"If...it's okay..." Mihashi trailed. After a moment, Abe heard Mihashi's voice hitch, followed by rythmic shuffles punctuated by little gasps.  
Abe stroked himself in rhythm with the sounds.

"Agghhh," Abe groaned, quietly. His breathing got louder.

"Oh...oh...T...takaya..." Mihashi whispered, whimpering.

"T...tell me...what you're doing..." Abe hissed through his teeth, fighting against the urge to come too soon.

"What I'm...?" Mihashi asked through laboured breaths.

"Describe...it...what you're doing..."

"Agh!" he yelped, "I...I can't..."

"Please, Mihashi...It sounds so good..." Abe groaned. "Please..."

Mihashi could be heard inhaling a long, centering breath. There was a very long pause before another sound came out.

"I'm...my right...hand is..." he began, stammering. Abe heaved, waiting, pumping slowly but desperately. "...u...under my...thigh and..." he paused to groan a little, "and one finger is...in...side..."

"Agh!" Abe cried, a little too loud. He clapped his free hand over his mouth, reeling at the image that had finally snapped itself neatly in place. But he didn't have time to relish it, because Mihashi continued.

"And the left is...on the...oh...oh, Takaya..." he groaned.

"Oh, Ren, yes, yes..." he grunted, mind racing a the fell image of Mihashi fingering himself with one hand while jerking off with the other. "More...tell me...more..."

"It's...it's all wet...cause I...u...used lotion...and it's...slippery...my hand...ah...ah...oh...G...God..."

"Ren, oh God, yes..." Abe cried, fisting himself furiously, pushing his hips up against himself.

"It's...like...when I'm...in you..." he moaned. "It's so...tight...and...wet..."

"Oh, Mihashi...harder..." Abe coaxed.

"Ahh!" Mihashi cried again, with significant disregard for anyone else in his house. "Takaya..." he went on, the sounds of a wet fist slapping quickly against skin now audible through the receiver.

"Unnnnng," Abe grunted, close to climax.

"It's...coming...ahhh!" Mihashi moaned. The sounds of the rocking bed and hard gasps pushed Abe over the edge as well.

"Oh...Ren...Ren..." he heaved.

There was only heavy breathing for a few minutes after that. Mihashi was the first to be heard moving away from the phone, probably cleaning himself. Abe took the hint and wiped himself off with some tissue.

"Ren?"

"Yes...Takaya?"

"I liked that a lot."

"M...me...too..." Mihashi whispered. After a pause, he continued, "I wish...that we were...together...though..."

"Me too, Ren. I'm sorry we can't...more often..."

"Mmn mm," Mihashi said. "Please don't feel sorry."

"Thank you for doing it...for me, Ren...I'm sorry if it was embarrassing..."

"Don't...worry about it," he replied.

Another beat passed, and Mihashi went on.  
"Your father...Takaya...is he..."

"Oh... we're fine, Ren. I talked to him for while. Everything is fine."

"I'm so glad, Takaya," Mihashi said, the joy in his voice clear. "I'm so glad."

"Oh, Ren..." Abe said. "I miss you."

"I'll see you in the morning, okay?" Mihashi asserted.

"Yeah."

"G...goodnight, Takaya."

"Goodnight Ren."

The phone clicked quietly, and the lonliness crept back as quickly as it had been dispelled.

The chicken stared at him, knowingly. Abe gave in and pulled the untalkative stuffed plush into his arms and squeezed it, quickly finding the comfort he needed to drift to sleep.

It wasn't as good as hugging Mihashi, but it would do.

____spacer____ 


	3. Trust, Part i

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you don't want someone to worry about you, it usually makes them worry even more.

Abe had not discussed his goals worksheet with Mihashi.  It made the latter uneasy when he noticed, but Abe was so good at deflecting the topic that he couldn't manage to ask why.

Abe had known for a long time that Mihashi's desire was to go pro, if for nothing else then... _what else_ would the boy do with himself?  Its not like he had academic skills or, really, any other skills to get him into a university or a job.  The day Abe had brought Mihashi the worksheet, the pitcher had been under the impression that they would do them both together.

"You want to go pro, don't you?" Abe asked as Mihashi began looking it over.  
Mihashi looked up at Abe, embarrassed.  
"It's okay, you don't have to be shy about it."  
Mihashi fiddled with the edge of the paper. "You...think I'm....good enough?"  
"Of course I do!" he replied a little too loudly.  
"Ah..." Mihashi said, turning pink with satisfaction at the support.  He digressed into a giddy little murmur that Abe tolerated for a long minute before snapping his fingers to get his attention back.  
"You need to fill out the whole thing, though," Abe said.  "After the first choice, you need two secondary choices.  Then there's a part about what you need to do in the next month, and five and eight months in order to do it."  
Mihashi just stared at Abe.  
"Ren, are you listening?" he said, impatiently.  
"What about..." Mihashi began, tilting his head a little, "What about Takaya's...?"  
"Hmm?" the catcher replied, surprised. "Don't worry about me.  Just focus on your own."  
Mihashi shrunk a little at what was intended to be a caring statement.

_Don't worry about me._

He said it so much, there was not much else Mihashi could do but worry.  The feeling was strong as ever today, when each class had to hand to in the worksheets.  It wasn't fair that Abe knew all of Mihashi's dreams, but Mihashi knew none of his.

The worksheets were the predictable topic at lunch that day.

"No one has to ask you, Tajima," Izumi said over his bento. "We all know you want to go pro."  
"But do you know for who?" he said while he encroached on Mihashi's edible territory with his chopsticks.  
"If Abe catches you eating Mihashi's lunch, you're a dead man," Izumi droned. "And what do you mean, 'who?'"  
"My goal is to play for the Seibu Lions!" he beamed.  
Hamada reeled back. "You actually put who you want to play for as your goal?"  
Tajima rolled his eyes. "Obviously."  
A sigh resounded among them, wondering how Tajima continued to phase them with his brazenness.  
"But why Seibu?  With your talent, you could start for the Giants," Izumi continued.  
"I'd have to be far away from my family," he said, in that serious voice he only had when he was thinking about his grandparents. "I can stay in Saitama if I play for the Lions."  
Ah yes, Izumi thought.  That incident with his grandfather had imbued Tajima with a sense of fear about wandering too far from home.  
"Mihashi, you want to go pro, right?" Tajima asked.  
He nodded in reply, watching Tajima's chopsticks carefully. "You can't have the hot dogs."  
"Tsh," he grumbled, retreating. "Who do you want to play for, then?"  
Mihashi shook his head this time. "It doesn't matter, as long as I can pitch."  
Hamada laughed a little, touched at the predictability of the guy. "You've always cheered for the Lions, though."  
"What about Abe, then?" Izumi interjected.   
Mihashi sighed.  He hadn't meant to, but caught himself when he did. "I....um...d...don't...know..." he stammered.  
His companions were torn between expressing their disbelief and being mad at Abe, and changing the subject so as not to impound Mihashi's apparent grief.

They got to do neither, though, when Mizutani came crashing into the room.  
"Guys! Did Hanai come by here?" he asked urgently.  
All four shook their heads.  
"What's the problem?" Hamada asked.  
"Chiba got in a fight!" he replied before tearing down the hallway again.

°o°o°o°o°o°

Practice was a little disorganized that afternoon.

When Momokan showed up, she immediately ambushed Hanai, and the two stood, talking animatedly but seriously for a good ten minutes before Hamada showed up and joined them for another twenty.

During that time, the rest of the seniors convened on the mound.

"I saw the whole thing," Mizutani said. "It was scary!"  
The team pressed in, waiting for more.

He relayed the tale.

Mizutani was actually coming down the hall to ask something of Izumi, but crossed paths with Chiba, who was leaning against the wall, arms crossed and nonplussed, with a small gaggle of senior girls around her.

He slowed, pretending not to look.

"You think you're pretty big, huh?" one girl said (a very good looking, but fierce girl named Nadeshiko.) "An underclassman dating the captain of the baseball team?"  
Chiba rolled her eyes. "What is that even supposed to _ mean_ ?" she asked.  
"Tsh," the girl, obviously the ringleader, replied, throwing back her long black hair. "The stupid cross-dresser with the perm thinks she can do whatever she wants.  I think we know better, don't we, girls?"  
"Can I go now? I'm kind of hungry," Chiba mumbled.  
"Don't act so smart, bitch!" Nadeshiko said. "We know your little secret."  
"That I'm secretly a fujoshi?"  
The gang stared, and even Mizutani had given up on being inconspicuous long enough to stare as well.  
"W...what? No?  Who the fuck cares about that?  The other secret, _Ojou-sama_."  
"Ooooh. That one," Chiba said with a chuckle. "Yeah, and...?  What do you intend to do about it?"  
"Hmm," Nadeshiko said, perking up. "We'd be happy to tell the whole school, and other schools too, if you don't break up with Hanai-sama."  
"Seriously? Girls still do that?  Self-righteous fan clubs?  You know, he'd never go for a girl who called him 'sama' anyway, right?"  
"And _you_ know _how easy it is to get barred from Koshien stadium, right_?" she replied, a glint in her eye.  
For the first time during the whole altercation, Chiba stiffened.  
It was at that moment that Mizutani caught her eye. Her countenance shifted, as if she had an idea.  
"I do, actually," she said, cracking her knuckles.  The other girls couldn't hide that they were a little startled.  They were cowards, after all.  
"And I think," she said, voice low and rough, "_you don't want to find out_."  
Even Mizutani jumped when she said this.  
"So I suggest you stop putting pins in my shoes and throwing my books in the fountain.  Knowing my _connections_, you should really be aware that it takes a little more than that to scathe me."  She pushed through the gaping, shuddering crowd of girls. "You should also know that I'm capable of doing a lot worse back," she said, facing away from them. "If everyone knew about me anyway, what's to stop me from settling the score?"

Nadeshiko was red with anger, desperate to save face.

And desperate people do stupid things.  
Nadeshiko's stupid thing turned out to be grabbing Chiba by the hair.

 

"Wait," Izumi said, "What was all that about being called 'Ojou-sama' and connections and stuff?"  
"I have no idea!" Mizutani replied.  
"Hanai's never said anything about something like that," Abe added.  
"Maybe she's some kind of heiress? Dad's a politician?"  
"Then why would she be at a school like this?"

"MIZUTANI!" Momoe shouted, waving him over.  He glanced nervously at his teammates before joining the small huddle in the dugout.

The rest of them kind of stared over, watching Mizutani describe the fight.  Even though they couldn't hear what he was saying, they were getting a pretty good idea from his movements, and even more from the winces Momoe and Hamada gave him. Hanai grew paler as the reenactment went on.

Momoe said something to Hamada, who looked sullen.  He nodded at her, and then left the field.  
Hanai landed himself on the bench dramatically, and put his forehead in his hands.    
Momoe must have told him to go home, because the next thing they knew, Hanai was headed out of the gate.

°o°o°o°o°o°

The short of it was, as Momoe explained, Chiba had fought back so ruthlessly that Nadeshiko was sent to the hospital.  The long of it was that they had to essentially have nothing to do with the entirety of the Oendan.  This was not something that Shiga-sensei had made considerations for, but his earlier decision to refuse club status to the cheer group was proving useful in this very situation.  If they weren't part of the team, they wouldn't cause trouble for them at Koshien.

The seniors knew that all going to Hanai's house was probably a bad idea.  The captain probably wanted to be alone, and might be talking to his girlfriend on the phone, for all they knew.

But _someone_ had to go and make sure he was okay.  Initially, Tajima attempted at elect himself, but the rest of the team shot him down.  Tajima was probably the last person in the world that would put Hanai in a better mood, after all. Abe was the most obvious choice, being co-captain and more solid of a personality than Sakaeguchi.  He accepted the responsibility, to Mihashi's dismay (mostly because he'd been anxious for a moment alone to speak with his catcher, and partly out of childish jealousy.) A parting kiss quelled the pitcher's irritation, and elicited mocking coos from the rest of the team.

Hanai's mother greeted him at the door.  
"Abe...kun," she said, "What can I do for you at this hour?"  
"I'm sorry to bother you so late," he replied, "but I was hoping to speak to Azusa for a moment."  
Mrs.Hanai furrowed her brows worriedly. "He's a bit upset about something tonight.  Been holed up in his room.  I don't know that he wants to speak to anyone."  
"May I just ask him?" Abe said. "I'm sorry to be pushy, but, if he's that upset, I think I especially need to talk to him."  
After a considerate pause, Mrs.Hanai relented, and opened the door.  
-

"Hanai?  It's Abe.  Let me in," Abe said at the captain's door, unapologetically.  
"Yeah, it's open," Hanai replied, after a beat of consideration.  When Abe opened the door, he saw Hanai sitting on his floor against his bed, looking at an opened English book in his hands.  
"Stop pretending to be reading," Abe said, sitting down after closing the door behind him.  
"Tsh," Hanai mumbled, tossing the book aside.  
"How are you doing?" Abe began.  
"Fine," Hanai lied.  
"Try again."  
Hanai raised an eyebrow.  Abe wasn't in the mood to screw around. If this was how it was going to be, he'd have to spill.  He didn't have the energy for a word battle with Abe.  
"I don't know what to do," he said, more honestly.  
"What do you mean, what to do?" Abe pressed.  
"I mean," Hanai started, sighing, and pulling off his reading glasses before beginning again, "I don't know what's going on with Kumiko."  
Abe squinted for a second, before deducing that Kumiko was probably Chiba's first name.  
"I didn't even know she was being bullied.  She never said anything. I could have done something."  
"Hanai, that's probably why she didn't tell you, don't you think?  She's not the type to have her boyfriend clean up her problems."  
"I know that, but she couldn't even mention it?  It's just, she's got all these secrets. I..."  
"Hanai, is this 'Ojou-sama' thing one of those secrets?  Can I ask?"  
Hanai sighed again. "Probably."  He scratched the back of his neck, and leaned back against his bed. "She's never let me go to her house and she doesn't talk about her family."  
Abe's heart quickened when he heard the despair in Hanai's voice.  It was a hard thing to not feel trusted by the person you loved.  
"You've never been to her house?"  
"No."  
"So you haven't met her parents?  After a year?"  
Hanai heaved a sigh.  
Abe shook his head. "Have you tried to call her?"  
"A few times," Hanai answered. "Then I stopped.  She doesn't seem to want to talk to me."  
Abe got up and sat back down next to Hanai, who looked at him, a little surprised.  
"I'm sorry, Hanai," Abe said.  "But she was probably suspended, so maybe she can't talk on the phone."  
Hanai didn't respond, save rubbing the bridge of his nose with his fingers.  
"We were all worried about you, you know."  
"I know," Hanai said. "I appreciate it."  
They sat there for a moment, and then Hanai submitted himself to a moment of vulnerability and leaned his head on Abe's shoulder.  Abe stiffened for only a moment, then relaxed.  
It wasn't Mihashi, but it was okay.  In context, it was totally okay.  But he still blushed a little.  
"I can't keep loving someone who keeps so many secrets," Hanai said. "It's too exhausting."  
Abe nodded, suddenly thinking of Mihashi, and the secrets he was keeping from him.  
"You'll figure it out, Hanai.  Don't worry."  Abe patted Hanai's hand with his, in a forced 'buddy-buddy' kind of gesture that was in opposition to holding his hand, which in their current position, he thought might be interpreted as a come-on.

He was over thinking it, but he was also desperately thinking of Mihashi.  

Loving someone who kept secrets _was_ exhausting, wasn't it?

°o°o°o°o°o°

It was around one in the morning when Hanai shifted out of sleep enough to notice the tapping on his window.  He rubbed his eyes and looked up just in time to see another pebble ricochet off of his window pane.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Tajima?" He mumbled, stumbling over to the window.  
But it wasn't Tajima.  Chiba looked up at him from the front lawn, face and arms bandaged up, waving meekly.  He took only a moment to process what he was seeing, and then tiptoed out of the house as fast as he could.

"Kumiko!" he said, hushed. "What are you...?"  
"Azu..." she said, looking more vulnerable than he had ever seen her look.  
"Hey, Hey," he said putting his arms around her. "It's okay."  
"But it's not," she whispered into his shirt. He leaned back to look at her.  The sky was clear and the moon was bright, and he could see her fairly clearly for the dead of night.  
"Kumi?"  She had started off cool, but immediately began breaking down.  
"I almost fucked up your chance at Koshien, Azu.  And I would have, if we were an official club.  And now I have to move, and..." she trailed, getting choked up. Hanai squeezed her hands.  
"...and you're probably so pissed at me right now..." she said, tears forming at the edges of her eyes.  
"Kumiko, just relax.  I'm not pissed.  Sit down.  Calm down.  We can take care of this."  He sat her down on the curb and pet her hair as she regained her composure.  
"I'm sorry," she finally said.  
"Don't be sorry, Kumi. Just talk to me, okay?"  
She nodded.  
"How are your injuries?"  
"What injuries?" she said, honestly surprised.  When Hanai raised his eyebrow, she looked at herself and stammered "Oh.  Oh, this isn't anything. Just some bruises.  My scalp hurts, though.  She pulled my hair a lot."  
"I hear you did quite a number on her."  
"Oh yeah," she said, though she didn't sound proud.  "Now she has injuries..."  
Hanai shook his head. "Kumiko, what was this all_ about_?"  
"Ah..." she said, looking down. "Well, she fancied herself queen of your little fanclub, and decided I was unworthy of you."  
"Kumiko, why did you get in a fight with her?"  
"Because she pulled my hair."  
Hanai huffed a little. "Kumi...please.  I can't... handle you hiding things from me anymore."  
"Azu...I..."  
"Kumi, if I know there are times when you're not telling me the whole truth, I won't know when you are.  If I can't trust you, I'll get exhausted."  
"But does it matter now?  I told you I was moving."  
"Kumiko, you said you were moving, not that we were breaking up."  
"But I-"  
"Though we_ might_ if you don't start telling me what the hell is going on!" He said this a little too loudly, his temper broken.  
There was a beat of stunned silence.  
"Fuck, Azu," she said, upset that he'd raised his voice.  
"Sorry.  Look, What is the deal with your family?  What was she trying to blackmail you with? Tell me the truth already."  
She sighed.  She rubbed her face with her hands, and then lay down on the cement of the sidewalk, hands still over her face.  
"My family's yakuza, Hanai," she moaned through her palms.  
Hanai only blinked.  
"Did you hear me?"  
Hanai jumped. "Oh, yeah.  I heard you."  
"My stupid family is involved with hustlers and gamblers.  
"How are you related?"  
"I might have to kill you if I told you," she said.  
"Bullshit."  
She laughed a little, for the first time since the conversation started. "My dad is the second to one of the prefectural bosses based in Saitama."  
"What family?" Hanai asked, a little taken aback at the easy way yakuza lingo rolled off of her tongue.  
"Inagawa Kai."  
"Huh," Hanai said, because the name didn't mean much to him, not knowing anything about Yakuza families in the first place.  
"Azu, I know it was stupid for me to keep it from you."  
"Good," he said, a little condescendingly.  She jumped up.  
"But it's Yakuza!  I was never allowed to tell anyone, ever, and I didn't know what you'd think."  
"You took me to comiket, Kumi.  _Comiket._  And you were worried about what I'd _think_?"  
She paused because it took a second for her to realize it was supposed to be funny.  
"Was comiket that scary?"  
"Kumi, I was horrified.  I'd sooner look your boss in the face than have another yaoi doujinshi shoved in my face. _A hundred times_."  
She laughed hard at that one.  
"Kumi, look," he said, taking her hand into his own. "I don't care and I won't tell anybody."  
She nodded, gratefully. "Thanks, Azu."  
He leaned in a little. "And you know what else?"  
"Hmm?"  
"I think it's kinda hot...that you're yakuza."  
Chiba laughed heartily. "I'm not a gangster or anything, Azu..."  
"Do you have tattoos?" he growled, nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck.  
"You'd know if I did, you pervert," she said, embracing him.  
They hugged and kissed for a short while, and after a good minute, someone cleared their throat a few paces away.  
Hanai looked up to see a tall, gruff looking fellow looking down on them.  He froze.  
"Oh, Azu.  I have to go.  I'm totally not supposed to be out."  
"Yeah," he said, still a little scared, and currently reconsidering his big talk about taking yakuza over doujinshi.  
They stood up, and she said, "Azu, this is brother Yoshi.  Yoshi, this is Hanai Azusa."  
Hanai shivered, and Yoshi grunted.  
"Azu, they told me if I ever got into trouble they'd send me off to another private school.  I don't know when I'll see you again."  
"I don't care, Kumi.  Just call, okay? Don't ignore me.  We will make it work, okay?"  
She nodded, and gave him a quick peck on the cheek before joining Yoshi. "I will.  I promise."  She began walking away with him, and another scary fellow that emerged from the bushes.    
Suddenly, she turned, and called out as she walked, "Hey! Azu! If you get lonley, you should sleep with Tajima!"  
Hanai balked. "W...what?!"  
"And send me pictures!" she shouted, laughing.  
Hanai looked around, desperate for grounding- then his mind churned a bit, and before she was out of sight, he hollered,

"CHIBA! YOU CAN'T SLASH _REAL PEOPLE_ YOU FREAK!!!"

°o°o°o°o°o°

Two nights before Mihashi's birthday, Abe was over for dinner.  The dinner was amiable, and they talked with his parents about practice matches and the new freshmen and a little bit about school.  
After they went to bed, and Abe was pretty sure Mihashi's parents were asleep, he crawled into Mihashi's bed.  
"Takaya! You can't-"  
"Don't worry, Ren," he said, silencing him with a peck on the forehead. "I just want to talk to you."  
"Talk?"  
"About your birthday."  
Mihashi's eyes widened, and then he nodded, obedient and eager.  
"We're going to Gunma.  We're staying at a place with hot spring tomorrow night. Then we can visit your relatives up there on your birthday."  
Mihashi was stunned.  
"T...Takaya..."  
"I hope it's okay."  
"Ah...yes! Yes, Takaya, but-"  
"But what?" He sat up, concerned that something might be wrong.  
"How much... did it cost...?" he mumbled nervously.  
The edge of Takaya lips tightened.  
"Don't ask something like that about your birthday present!" He said a little too loudly.  
"But...it..."  
"I saved up money, okay?  Don't worry about it."  
"M...my parents don't...mind that you..."  
"You're eighteen now," Abe replied. "Or will be. Soon. They said they don't care what you choose to do outside of the house."  
"A...ah."   
"Ren?"  
"Takaya," he said, leaning forward to kiss him.  
"Mmn," he mumbled through his lover's lips until they parted. "You like it?"  
Mihashi only raised his eyebrows, and leaned in for another kiss.    
Maybe this time, Takaya would understand the answer.

It was a very good present.


	4. Trust, Part ii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mihashi wants answers. And... some other things that Abe can provide.

On Saturday, practice was a little lackluster. Hanai was trying his best to stay in charge and deflect incessant questions, and Mihashi just wanted the day to be over so he could get on with his birthday present. Luckily, practice wrapped up at two that day, and the battery was on the train to Gunma as fast as humanly possible.

It had been a lot to work out, and had required more phone calls than Abe was comfortable with, but when they arrived at the inn, it was clear that it was worth every headache.

"The... the bath is... right outside the door..." Mihashi cooed in awe when they got to their room.  
"Yeah," Abe said.  "It's private."  
"This...must have been..."  
"Mihashi, stop thinking about the price, would you?"  
Mihashi let out something like a meep, and raced to the bed to throw off his bag and collapse into it.

"Do you want to eat?" Abe said, setting his things down and sitting on the foot of the bed.  
Mihashi figeted.  
When Abe shot a hard look at him, Mihashi stuttered "Is...Takaya...hungry?"  
"I asked you, Ren.  You're in charge. This is your night, okay?"  
"Ah," he said, nodding, and then turning a dark shade of pink.  
Abe raised an eyebrow.  
"Then, if it's okay...with you...I'd like to...do... something else..."

Abe was already taking off his shirt by the word "do."

It started off slowly, as it always did when they had the option of taking their time, Mihashi crawling on top of Abe and peppering him with gentle kisses on his face and neck, until the electricity of those sensations caught up with them.  Soon Abe's hands were searching under his lover's shirt, stroking his back with wide, hot palms, and Mihashi reciprocated, trembling fingers petting across Abe's chest, brushing nipples only incidentally.  Soon they were hard, and Mihashi was pressing, grinding mindfully but not desperately.

There was no need to be desperate tonight.

Heat was rising in Abe's face, and he pulled Mihashi into a long, hard kiss.  Tongues tangled, and the pitcher let out a moan into the catcher's lips.  Abe abandoned Mihashi's mouth and kissed behind his ear, advancing to suck on the lobe and biting at the edge in the way that always made the pitcher squirm and pant.

"Ta-ka-yaaa," he groaned, grinding harder, fingers digging into Abe's sides.  Abe leaned up and pulled off Mihashi's shirt (with some awkward difficulty), and once Mihashi was free again, he pressed back down on Abe and sucked hot, open-mouthed kisses onto his chest and stomach.  He responded by tangling his hands in Mihashi's scruffy hair and thrusting against his partner's thigh.

Mihashi took the hint and shimmied down so that he could undo Abe's pants.  Once unfastened, Mihashi dipped a hand under the waistband, heaving a sigh and giving a stroke that derailed Abe's attempt to also get into Mihashi's underwear with his hands too.

"Ren, Ren...yes..." he moaned, writhing under his touch.  Abe threw his head back and heaved his chest up, heaving and squirming as Mihashi stroked and pinched and pulled at Abe's hardening genitals.  
"God...God...Ren..." Abe groaned.

Mihashi was– for a change from their usual, frantic, stolen-moment lovemaking– taking time to appreciate the sight and sense of having Abe respond underneath him.  As he continued pumping with one hand, the other stroked hard up Abe's hipbone, up to his chest and over his neck.  Mihashi let out a quiet moan, and then wrapped his hand around Abe's jaw.  He took a moment to appreciate the moans and tremors he elicited from his lover by pressing his knee gently up against his lover's testicles.  Then he leaned forward and pushed his first two fingers into Abe's mouth and against his tongue.

Abe grunted and opened his eyes lazily.  He felt wanton and a little slutty, letting his mouth be invaded like that, but it was a new move, and it was exciting and very sexy.  Mihashi shuddered as Abe began putting on a show, raising his arms and clutching the pillow above his head with needy fists.  Abe twisted his torso and sucked on Mihashi's pressing, spit-soaked fingers.  
Mihashi got overwhelmed at this, and his strokes slowed as he became dizzy with fever.  Sensing this, Abe pulled Mihashi's fingers out of his mouth, and whispered "Let me?"

Mihashi nodded lazily, and undid his own pants with fumbling hands.  When all further restrains were kicked off, he crawled his naked torso up Abe's body and gripped the headboard as hot breath hit his member.  
"Mm," Abe said, running his hands over Mihashi's buttocks appreciatively.  He sucked on the base of Mihashi's penis, making him cry out eagerly.  Abe leaned up to pull the head into his mouth and consumed it with a satisfied murmur.  Mihashi immediately pushed his hips forward to encourage a deeper consumption.  Abe sucked hard as they found a comfortable rhythm in Mihashi's thrusts.

"Yes, yes, yes, Taka..." Mihashi moaned, one of his fists having found home tangled in the back of Abe's hair.  
Suddenly, Abe pulled away, and Mihashi barely eked out a disbelieving protest.

"Ren, do you want me to stop so that you can...put it in me?"  
Mihashi shook his head frantically. "D..don't stop...please," he squeaked.  
Abe obliged and took him back in his mouth.  After a few more thrusts punctuated with heated moans, Mihashi gripped Abe's shoulders and whispered breathily, "A...finger...Taka..."  
Abe, mouth full, could only murmur a "Hmm?"

"Please," he panted, "please put a finger in me..."  
Abe hesitated only a moment, having never been asked to enter him before, but without breaking his rhythm, he crept a hand in between Mihashi's legs and pressed around to find the hole.  
"Yes...hurry...Taka...ya..." Mihashi moaned, suddenly thrusting in that short, frantic way that meant his was close.

Abe found the crevice and pressed in, surprised at how easily his digit entered without any lubrication at all.  He only had a second to press in deeper by an inch by the time Mihashi was coming, hard and heaving and bucking into Abe's mouth.  
Abe had intended to swallow, but somewhere in the climax they had disconnected and Mihashi shot his load all over Abe's face.  
"Ah...ah..." Mihashi huffed, trying to form sounds into an apology and failing.  Abe panted, watching Mihashi's member twitch toward relaxation with the one eye that wasn't stinging.  He slipped his finger out and leaned back into the pillows with a hard sigh.

\---

"I'm so sorry," Mihashi said as he wiped Abe's face off (which only happened after Mihashi relearned how to use his legs and located the tissues on the table on the other side of the room.)  
"It's okay," Abe said. "I've done it to you enough times."

Once they were clean, Mihashi cuddled up against Abe's chest.  
"What can I do...for you?" he asked.  
"Hmm?" Abe said, stroking Mihashi's hair.  
"You...didn't come yet."  
"Ah, um," Abe said, fumbling with the possibilities in his mind. "You... just want to use your hands?"  
Mihashi's brows furrowed as he drew tiny, suddenly nervous little circles with his fingers on Abe's chest.

"Do you...want to...put it in me, Takaya?"  
Abe sighed, petting Mihashi's hair harder in a way that gave away how much he liked the idea.  
"It's okay," Abe said, "you don't have to."  
Mihashi's breath hitched in a way that Abe couldn't interpret.  
"But..." he began, "it's not fair..."

Abe sat up at little.  
"Ren, I told you," he said, recalling the other two times Mihashi had brought up the subject. "_You don't have to worry about me_."  
Suddenly Abe sensed Mihashi's shift to stillness.  His fingers dug into the catcher's hip for only a second, and then he was crying.  
Abe shot up, fearful. "Ren? Ren, what's wrong? Oh no, Ren..." Mihashi covered his face and shuddered as Abe pulled him into an embrace.  
"I...hate it..." Mihashi eked between quiet cries.  
"Ren?" Abe asked nervously, stroking Mihashi's back.  
"I hate it...when you...say that..."  
Abe had no idea what Mihashi was talking about, but pulled him closer and rocked him gently anyway.   
"Ren, I don't understand.  Please, I don't want to make you cry on your birthday."

Mihashi sniffed and pulled away far enough from Abe's shoulder to catch his breath, and after a beat, gave in to a teary tirade.  
"You always say that... not to worry about you...you don't let me, ever, and..." his rambling paused to may way for one hard sob, "and I want to worry, and I want to know your dreams, and I want to know what your worksheet says, and I want you to put it in me because I _like_ it, and you always think you're doing me _favors_ but you...you..." and then Mihashi finally lost it.

Abe hugged his lover close again, guilty with understanding.  His eyes welled up when he whispered, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Ren. I'm so stupid..."  
Mihashi cried a little longer, and once he became quiet, Abe whispered that he loved him, and again that he was sorry, and Mihashi nodded and they dried their tears in the sheets. After a few minutes of silence, Abe spoke.

"I'm going to university, Ren," Abe said.  
Mihashi sat up, stared at him with hot, red-rimmed eyes.  
"You..."  
"I'm going to study physical therapy.  Sports medicine."  
Mihashi just blinked.  
"I want... to help athletes with injuries."  
"You're going to be a doctor?" Mihashi said.

Abe bared down on himself- hearing it bluntly seemed very ambitious, a little haughty- but he nodded.  He wanted to be a doctor. A doctor for athletes, but it was still a doctor.  
His guilt about keeping his plans from Mihashi had grown exponentially after his talk with Hanai.  He thought that finally revealing his plans would be freeing, but that feeling didn't come on as quickly as he'd hoped.

"W...why, Takaya?" Mihashi asked quietly, full of curiosity and without accusation.  
"When I got hurt..." Abe began, "I thought about Haruna."  
Mihashi bit his lip.

"Getting injured was scary.  For a second, I thought I understood why he was so terrified of being hurt.  It stuck with me for so long... but then you hurt your hand.  I just... want to know as much as possible... so that if anything happens to you..."  
"Takaya..." Mihashi said, eyes rimmed with tears again, "You..."  
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Ren.  I didn't want you to-"  
"Worry?"  Mihashi finished, with an overtone of disapproval.  
"Yeah."

Abe rolled over on his side to look Mihashi in the eyes.  
"I'm really not good enough to be a pro," Abe said. "Otherwise, I'd try and be your catcher forever.  But... that's not something I could have promised anyway.  I wanted to be a part of your career, but I really- I want to know more about taking care of athletes.  And take care of kids so they can play again as soon as possible.  It's what I want to do.  And I can take care of you, too."

Suddenly Abe remembered a scene from years ago, when he took the hand of a weeping freshman pitcher, and moved by his dedication, vowed to devote himself to the pitcher's success.  Swore to make him a real ace.  
That was the moment that he became utterly, hopelessly devoted to Mihashi.

"I can also learn about massage and training and weightlifting- there's a sports physician program I was looking at. I can learn a lot of things.  Get certified for things. We won't be together the whole time, but if you'll wait for me-"  
"Takaya," Mihashi said, smiling, "thank you."  
"I..." he began, and Mihashi pulled him into an embrace.  
"I'm really glad... there's something you're excited about."  
Abe smiled and squeezed Mihashi tight.  
"So... it's okay?"  
Mihashi laughed a little.

It was okay.

Mihashi almost felt a tinge of guilt, wondered if Abe was doing this for him, and wondered if he deserved it.  But he knew better.  He knew to fight those demons of doubt and guilt now.  It was because of Abe that he could, after all.    
"Ren?" Abe said.  Mihashi looked up at him.   
"I'm happy," he said, new tears rolling down his cheeks silently. "I'm really happy."  
Abe choked up and hugged him close.

"Do you want to take a bath?" he asked after a minute.  
Mihashi nodded and wiped his eyes. "Yeah."

\---

The suite had, as advertised, an attached private outdoor bath.  They grabbed their baskets, stocked with yukata and towels, and Abe stopped short when Mihashi didn't follow him outside.  
"B... be right there!" he called, fumbling in his overnight back for something.

Abe didn't take his time sinking into the bath, sliding in until the water reached his chin.  He heaved a satisfactory sigh, and a moment later, Mihashi joined him.  Mihashi put down his basket and stepped down the rock steps of the bath, splashing ungracefully.  He may have not really regained the full use of his legs after all.

"Come on," Abe said, beckoning him near. "It feels nice, doesn't it?"  
Mihashi nodded, and drew absentminded little circles with his toes under the water.  
"This was a good present," he said, closing his eyes.  
"I'm glad you think so," Abe replied, running a hand along Mihashi's thigh.  
"It must have cost so mu-" Mihashi began, but Abe shut him up with a kiss.  When Abe pulled away, Mihashi continued talking, suddenly about something completely different.  
"It feels so selfish, if you're going to university to study to take care of me."  
Abe raised his eyebrow, because this was exactly why he had wanted to keep his plans from the pitcher in the first place.  
"I made the decision myself," he said. "Because it's what I wanted to do."  
Mihashi blushed and murmured, "You don't...mind? Following me?"  
Abe blinked. "Obviously."  He leaned forward and kissed Mihashi on the forehead.

"Now, can I say something really selfish?"  
Mihashi's eyes widened, and he nodded eagerly.  
Abe leaned in to whisper in Mihashi's ear.  "I've been so hot since you suggested I top.  Can we...?"  
"Oh! Yes!" Mihashi yelped, scrambling over to his basket.  He came back with a tube of lubricant and a condom.  
Abe twitched a little. "You...were ready..."  
Mihashi turned pink.

Soon Mihashi was leaned over the edge of the pool, chest pressed into the surprisingly cool tiled rocks of the outdoor floor.  They kneeled on the steps with the water at their thighs, bodies exposed to the warm air.  Mihashi's hips jerked as Abe pressed a finger in, easier this time as it was slicked with lotion.

"Do you want...another?" Abe asked.  Mihashi grunted consent.  
Another finger went in, and Mihashi cooed a happy sound against the ground.  
"It's easier... than I thought it would be," Abe said.  Mihashi groaned a bit as Abe moved his fingers around.  
"I...practice...sometimes..." Mihashi mumbled.  
"You practice?" Abe choked.  
"With...a toy..." Mihashi explained.  Abe froze for a moment, the image of Mihashi pleasuring himself with a foreign object rocketing his cock to full attention.  He could only barely audibly squeak "a....t...toy?"  
Mihashi rocked his hips back a little, begging for more.  Abe pushed around a little more, barely managing finger three.

"What...kind of toy...?" Abe said, now stroking himself.  
"P...plug..." Mihashi gasped, growing impatient with talk. "M...more...please..."

Abe was almost numb with arousal, and decided right then that Mihashi was probably prepared enough.  
"You want me to...do it? Ren?"  
"Yes, yes...please..." he begged.  
Abe put on the condom as quickly as he could, slathering it with lube as Mihashi continued quiet, yearning whimpers.  
"T...takaya..."  
Abe positioned himself, biting his lower lip as he pressed the tip in.  
"Agh," he grunted. "Is it okay? Ren?"  
Mihashi's only response was bucking backwards onto Abe's cock, pushing him in halfway.  The both shouted at this motion, and Abe froze.

It felt good. So good.

"M...more! P..please!"  
"All the way?" Abe asked, voice strangled with restraint.  
"Fill...me...Takaya!" he moaned.

Abe did not need to be told a third time.  Especially not when it was... _phrased_ like that.  
He thrust, pushing himself all the way into Mihashi.  The recipient responded with a squeaking, breathy moan.  
It was so good, Abe feared he might come at the tail end of that first thrust.  But coming meant being done, and he didn't want it to be over yet.  He wanted more.

"T- Takaya!" Mihashi yelped, "You have to _move_!"  
Abe quickly moved his hands to grip Mihashi's hips and began a careful thrusting- out and in and back out again.  It was slow, and he savored the sensation, biting back a threatening climax.  
It was miles above the feeling of Mihashi's mouth or hands.  It was so tight, so slick, so hot, and so good.

"Ah... it feels so... big...inside..." Mihashi crooned, pitching his hips back against his catcher as he thrust.  
If Abe wasn't aroused enough by the act of fucking Mihashi alone, these _little things Mihashi kept saying_ were making it nearly impossible to keep in control of himself.  He felt himself slip in to a wanton patronization, aching for more dirty talk.

"Big, huh?" he grunted, slapping hard against his partner. "Bigger than your toy?"  
"Ah...much..._much_ bigger," Mihashi responded without missing a beat.

"Oh God..." Abe said.  He couldn't believe they were talking like this.  It was so sexy, he thought he was going to pass out.  
"D... does it feel good?" Abe asked.  
"Ugh..." Mihashi moaned, and it was no wonder he couldn't form any more words, the way Abe was railing on him.  
"Do you like it..." Abe began, swallowing hard before willing the rest of the sentence to leave his mouth. "Do you like... getting fucked?"  
"Aggggh!" Mihashi heaved, his elbows buckling underneath him.  He apparently enjoyed the dirty words too.  And Abe did not want to disappoint.

"Do you like it when I talk like that?"  he asked, wrapping his hand around Mihashi's neglected penis.  Mihashi may have nodded, or maybe he had lost all motor control completely.  

"Do you like it when I fuck you in the ass?" Abe went on, revelling by the violent words, unable to supress the naughty grin Mihashi would never see.  
"Ugh...ugh...ugh..." Mihashi groaned.

"You like getting fucked by my big cock, Ren?" Abe shouted.  
"Aggghhhh!" Mihashi cried, spilling his load into Abe's hand.

"Oh, Ren...Ren...I'm gonna..."  
"Y...yes, Abe!" Mihashi panted. "Come... inside me!"

Though they were using a condom, this declaration inspired in Abe the vision of filling Mihashi's asshole with cum, and that vision was just this side of too much for Abe to handle, waves of orgasm beginning to flood his system.  
"Oh, Taka-!" Mihashi groaned.

"Yes, yes, oh God, oh God, yes-" Abe cried as his final thrusts edged him to the end.

After cleaning up, the two were so hot that they wanted to be as far away from the bath as possible.  Sprawled across the bed, the two were limp and fuzzy from exertion and what were the best orgasms of their entire lives.

"So...amazing..." Abe mumbled.  
Mihashi smiled, but Abe couldn't see it.  
"Oh my God..." Abe continued.  
Mihashi chuckled.   
"It's not even my birthday..." he went on.  
"I liked it too," Mihashi said.  
"Mmm, good."  
"I liked it when you... said those things at the end."  
Abe turned as much as he was able, and saw Mihashi blushing furiously.  
"M...me too," Abe said.  He flopped a limp hand over Mihashi's head and pat his hair.

Out of the moment, the things they had said during sex sounded awfully corny.  They kept this sentiment to themselves.

"I want to try it..." Mihashi said.  
"Try what?"  
"Next time.  When I'm...on top.  I want to...say those things..."  
Abe gathered all of his strength to suppress a chuckle.  In his mind, Mihashi saying the things he had said that night sounded kind of ridiculous.  His mind-Mihashi couldn't get past 'do you like it when I...'

Though he did admit to himself that if were they actually doing it, it would probably sound amazing.

o°o°o°o°o°o

The next morning, Mihashi felt two things.  
One was the happiness of knowing Abe's plans.  Now the future was not such a mystery- it was still a mystery, of course, but now they had guidelines, a faded, hastily-drawn map at the least.  
The second was the incredible pain in his backside, which carried over through lunch with Ruri and her end of the family, and into practice the next day, cluing everyone on the team in to what had happened over the weekend.

"You switched positions, huh?" Tajima said, too loudly in the changing room that morning.  
Mihashi leered, which threw Tajima back a bit.  Mihashi didn't usually leer, but he was also not usually in enough pain to have to walk like a duck around the field.

Tajima had a knack for turning the battery's personal pain into amusement for the rest of the team.  The first time Mihashi and Abe had done it, Abe was the one who was short and angry with everyone, and walked a little funny.  Though he had been way better at hiding it than Mihashi turned out to be able to, Tajima's pressing questions bore fruit when he shouted, "AH! I get it, you _were_ the pitcher!"  
Which he thought was veiled enough, for some reason, to get past the rest of the team, but they put two and one together pretty quickly, and suddenly everyone knew Abe had lost his virginity.

"Could you not tell the whole team this time?" Abe said over Tajima's shoulder.  
"Sure thing, boss," he said with a grin, and bounced to the other side of the room to harass Hanai.  
Mihashi wondered if It felt this bad for Abe every time he'd bottomed.  
As if he'd read his mind, Abe said quietly, "It's not so bad after the first time."

Mihashi wished it was consolation for _this_ time.

He was really, really happy there was no practice game today.

 

 


End file.
